A child who becomes an adult undergoes so many changes in such a short time that he or she is practically a different person. Read any story, or watch any play where children are portrayed by adults, and you’ll realize that we don’t even remember what it was like to be children. These last few months feel like that to me. I sometimes dream about the smuggler living in the city wall, brokering goods and information on the smallest scale, sneaking into noble balls in disguise, and just trying to get by. In my dreams, I’m always watching that man from the outside. Sometimes, I don’t even know who he is. Awake, I know it’s me, but it seems like a version of myself from decades ago.

Allentia has been attacked or nearly attacked so many times. So many people in power have died, and so many more of my people, the regular, hard-working residents, and somehow we’ve been involved in all of it. So many changes. Clarys, just an initiate of Mystra, became par and acting duke, and she’s apparently been talking to a god, whatever that means. Mugul, the drunk, casually corrupt and deliberately incompetent sergeant is now captain of the guard, and, if my information is accurate, the primary crime lord of the city. Efram — well, who knows about Efram, but he can jump from one place to another in an instant, has commanded samurai, is brother to the most skilled assassin in Allentia, and almost definitely freed a demon of Arioch. And of course Ladiana… princess of the drow, commander of orcs and thorasi, and powerful enough to destroy most of a city when she’s on purple crystal.

And then there’s me. I pulled this group together because I saw a way to make a quick buck and couldn’t do it without a face (Mugul) and some help. Then I made the mistake of caring for Clarys, so I followed her to the palace and played advisor for a while, at first to keep her safe, but then I got drawn in by the secret passages, the spy network, the promise of more and more valuable and interesting information. Then I helped kill the duke’s advisor, and the mind-controlled par, and even the emperor. I freed an ancient and extraordinarily dangerous wizard even though I knew he could take a special interest in me if I wasn’t careful.

I became the duke’s spymaster, and my first act in that position was to assassinate the duke. It’s come full circle. If I’m honest with myself, I didn’t stay with these people just because there was money in it, though that was a big motivator. I stayed because I thought they might actually be able to do something about the blue crystal which was destroying my city. And who was the root of the problem which killed so many people I cared about? The duke. He was the one who let Derozen’s discoveries leak into the city. He was the one who did nothing as the crystal epidemic grew. He was the one who had magical armor and red crystal of his own, but let the shenga get out of hand. I have nothing against organized crime, as long as it stays organized, but as soon as the crystal got involved, it wasn’t just protection money and prostitution anymore; it was deaths by the hundreds. Deaths of my friends and neighbors. The duke was responsible for all of that.

So why is my hand shaking? Maybe I just have a conscience. The duke was a bad person without a doubt, and an incompetent, corrupt leader, but he did help us kill the emperor. Today was the first time I killed someone who was completely helpless, or just out of a sense of personal vengeance. He needed to die, but killing him didn’t make me happy. No one will even know. With the red crystal in my blood, I made sure that they saw what I wanted them to see — that in the last moment of the battle, one of the emperor’s soldiers killed the duke. If there’s guilt to be felt, it’s mine alone.

Then how do I know with absolute certainty that I’ll stick around, and keep getting involved in these dangerous situations? That I’ll keep my job as spymaster even with the duke dead by my hand? The money is good, and I can’t resist the lure of information, but that’s not all. I have to keep this city safe, but that’s not all either. It’s Clarys. Even though she’s duke, even though she’s… something… to Mystra, even though if she knew too much more about me she might be forced to take action, I care too much about her to let her do this on her own. When I wonder, “how did I get myself into this situation,” that’s what I really mean. How did I let myself care?

Incredible writing and fantastic synopsis from Guy's limited point of view!

One of our best sessions, without a doubt. But I fear The Fourth Age, which Clarys unwittingly ushered in, may yet prove further dangerous in the coming chaos. But will it be an age of Paladine? Or an age of darkness under Arioch?

No matter what the future brings, you will all need to hang together….or hang alone.

If I haven't said it recently, I will do so now: it is my sincere honor to be your DM. You are easily the best players I have had the privilege of playing with. Smart, witty, creative, and all around diabolically fun to be around! Thank you for a wonderful first year!!!!

So, the Emperor is dead. Duke Thornblade is dead. Amarra is dead. Par Prometheus is dead. The armies are turned from our walls, and we are all alive. Oh Mystra, please forgive me, this really is a lot to process.

The others seemed pretty convinced of the Emperor’s guilt. It’s true that Thrawl was not a good man. He wielded his power in full to bring the cities to heel and was going to crush Allentia City in response to DeRozen’s provocations. However… there is something we’re missing, something I doubt we’ll ever get now. Yes, he recognized me for some reason; but more importantly, he had known the world before the Edict and chose to disregard the decree despite his prior service to the Lady. Still, his armies were in the walls, and we had all clearly moved past any chance of negotiation. The wars that erupt in his absence will be felt by everyone.

The Duke was lost in the fight with the Emperor, struck down by a Saarduvar. Poor Soren had always reprimanded recruits who stripped those stifling helmets off too soon after practice; it appears that Thornblade had missed that advice from his own instructors. Truth be told, I don’t think it was the greatest loss to Allentia. While I lack Guy’s bile for the man, Thornblade really did let the city wither under his rule. Never mind, though, we will work with the nobility for a suitable appointment as mine no longer stands. Seeing Thrawl on the Duke’s throne… no. Anyway, I suppose I should be grateful that Mugul didn’t try to sit on it.

Amarra and Par Prometheus. Amarra was such a sweet woman, so driven in faith after escaping the blue crystal’s clutches. I was so happy to have her involved with the temple, so pleased that she and Rachael could take over some of my duties there in my absence. But then I dreamt of her leading and it woke me in a cold sweat, filled with the same dread I had felt years before. And how Amarra’s powers grew afterwards! Her new followers were zealous, almost mindless in their devotion to her. Their anxiety at separation, the scuffles that would break out- it went far beyond the enthusiasm of conversion. She spoke with me of a visitation from Mystra, and while many of the details rang true she had no real message to convey to me. I believe that Amarra met someone, something of great power, but was it something that would lead our temple astray? Is that what the warning was about? There are things in this world and the next that would twist our faith against us, letting our best intentions work against the Goddess.

I admit it. It sounds ludicrous, but what if it had happened before as well? A call for Prometheus to slaughter those who She had blessed with her own gift. Ladiana and Ephraim may not be the most… consistent examples, but I’ve seen how the power Guy wields can protect far more than a squad of paladins could. Forcing innocent people to give up their power on the threat of their lives does not seem… well I pray it is not something that the Lady would ask.

Maybe this is why the histories don’t match, maybe this is why Mystra’s servants split around the time of the Edict, why the domains of Mystra herself diverge. Maybe Amarra was going to reignite a flame that should have gone out, and turn the Temple of Mystra into something it was never meant to be. Her followers would do anything she ordered, after all. Our first trip to Mystvale answered none of my questions, but upon seeing her madwoman’s journal I knew Amarra could never be allowed to lead the Temple.

I pray that her good intentions are weighed by the Lady of Mysteries as she seeks to walk the lighted path. Still, while I realize the necessity of what I have done, I mourn for the woman I killed in Mystvale and for the children that will never see their mother again.

Yes, that must be this horrid ache.